I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
