There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize