You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
