I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
