apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
