3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
