porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
