Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im six kinds of drunk right now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
