I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
