hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
