You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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