Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
