Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
