i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well you can't waste a boner
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
