I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
