if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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