Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got inside last night via doggy door
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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