i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
