So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
