I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
