the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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