i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
