Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
