why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
