Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
