Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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