you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
