Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
