Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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