I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
