I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
