i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
