one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
