the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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