She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
