I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you made out with another girl for some wings
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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