11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
