either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
