i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
