he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
third nipple confirmed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
