I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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