If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
