can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
