stop calling my apartment porn island.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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