So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
