If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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