I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
