Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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