At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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