I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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