He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
