Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
