i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize