Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
