Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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