you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
