i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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