.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
