I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
