Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
