yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
