i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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