Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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