i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
