Do you still have your period?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
