How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
