Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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