Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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