Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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