Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
