Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
