I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
