I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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