Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
