There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is classic penis vs brain.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
