my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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