So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
