He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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