You just made me feel so damn special
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
