operation harelip BJ is a go
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
