Nicole vs. Life
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize