She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
