She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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